6th February, 2007
When Today Was Completely Upsetting
I thought I would have felt better after my shower, but I don’t. Right now I just don’t want to be alone and it’s not that my roommate isn’t enough; it’s because we don’t have that connection. I called up AL, but he’s with his girlfriend. I’m still deciding on other people to call, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to bother others too much. I’d go to the dorms, but it’s quite the noisy floor, at least when they’re playing Super Smash Bros. (on N64) anyway. I could call EA, but I think we talk too much with one another to get something done.
I don’t know. I just hate this uneasy feeling. I know it’ll wash over, but… I don’t know. Maybe I could head to the dorms. I know one of my old floormates is a quiet person and studies. Plus, he’s already taken biology so he might be able to help me understand.
I’m not sure if there’s a quick way to summarize tonight’s events. Okay, so there was a guy I met, N. We met up once for dinner and even during that I was uncomfortable since I already had my sights set on SB. On Sunday, we had agreed to meet up for coffee. I still felt uncomfortable meeting with him and after talking it over with SB, I called N back to cancel. Well, when I called, I got his voicemail. Thinking it might have been easier on me, I left a message telling N that we should cancel, etc.
Well, tonight, about twenty minutes before N and I would have met, N called to ask where we were going to meet. Being the nice person I am, I didn’t want him to turn around since he lives a little far away, and gave him the location of the coffee place. During our conversation, SB called and I pretended that SB needed to talk with me on the phone. I told N that I was sorry to cut the night short, etc., and started walking back to my place.
On the way home, I had taken a quick glance behind me trying to figure out where I was since I wasn’t paying attention. When I did, I noticed that there was no one behind me. About two blocks later, N comes up behind me asking for toll money since he had expected to stay longer than he did.
Since that I’ve been feeling completely violated and unsafe. N practically snuck up on me and that’s what bothers me the most. I can’t shake off that feeling. I feel so stupid and silly for being so upset. I can’t help it, but I do. I know that I shouldn’t have to, but it’s just that I don’t know what else to do.
Oh well. What’s done is done and I’ll get over it.
Anyway… so I had to sight sing in class today and I almost had it right, so that bugged me. I don’t like to be the only center of attention so when I started singing, I wavered a bit, but then found my spot. AAS went okay since they, the group that presented today, bribed us with sweet and sour pork. Stats went fine too, but I wouldn’t really know since I was trying to do a crossword puzzle.
I’m proud of myself, at least. I went to the gym today. The depressing thing is that I can’t do an arm curl with just 10 lbs. That is completely pathetic of me. But at least I got out there. Hopefully I’ll try and go back on Thursday, depending on whether or not I want to stop by my professor’s office hours on Thursday afternoon.
I don’t know what else to write about now since I’ve been working on this post for the last half hour or so. But other than tonight’s depressing event, all is relatively well. I need to write something, but I want to make sure that what I’m writing will be completely sincere, true, and most of all, heartfelt. We’ll see how that turns out I suppose.
Posted at 11:18 pm | Comment (1)
On February 6, 2007 at 11:27 pm Stockton Boy said:
February 6, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Yeah fuck that guy.