24th July, 2008
This Was Just Another Few Days… Kind Of
First off, I have a horrible toothache. Actually, thinking about it, it’s the first toothache I’ve ever had that didn’t result from some sort of dental work. It was strange because it started hurting midday, in between my brushing and my next meal. It started to hurt so bad that I had to take two Advils instead of one. I’ve got me a dentist appointment for this Saturday. I wish it could be sooner, but I can’t get away from school early enough to do so. Besides, the pain is tolerable enough to an extent where I can wait a few more days.
Second, I’ve decided that after my next two visits with my doctor, they will be my last, at least until the new year starts again. The pills aren’t helping me in the way they’re supposed to. I’m basically using them now to stay awake during class and that’s about it.
I heard from KM today. Well, kind of. I finally asked him why he had just been so turned off to me after having confessed all his feelings. Well, it turns out that he had wanted to get it off his chest, but wasn’t looking for a relationship. Once he told me that, I told him that I, too, was not interested in something exclusive, at least for the moment anyway. Well, he told me to call him tomorrow. We’ll see what happens?
I’ve been thinking lately about what someone had once said to me. I had only known him for a day or so, but what I remember is this: He looked into my eyes and said that even though I smile on the outside, there’s a lot of darkness and pain inside. Note that this person said this two years ago.
Sometimes I wonder, is it still there? If someone looks into my eyes, will that person see how much there is in my eyes? I don’t know, but it’s got me thinking.
Fuck, I’m sleepy, but I’ve got homework to finish. Maybe a nap.
Tags: doctor, KM
Posted at 1:14 am | Comment (1)
13th June, 2008
This Is The Trouble With Boys
I get a text today from KM and he asked, “Is the door open?” The “door” is in reference to what I had been telling him a few weeks/months back. He had decided that his life at the time was a bit too hectic and stressful to handle a relationship or even dating, so I told him that if he wanted, I’d leave the door open for him (metaphorically speaking) and when weeks passed after that, I just figured that he wasn’t going to need it. I didn’t close it, but I stopped looking at it, waiting for him to walk through. Anyway, so he asked me that question and I told him that yes, the door is still open.
Of course, this creates quite the dilemma. Not only is there KM, but there’s Asian Dude and BART Boy (who I think I may have scared off by telling him I wasn’t ready for a relationship – but that’s okay by me), and secretly… there’s Davis boy – I haven’t mentioned him yet. The reason why I haven’t mentioned him is because there’s nothing going on between us. We have no emotional connections and all we have is sex. Well… once anyway, but we weren’t planning on keeping it that way.
This was not intentional, mind you. I didn’t want all these different boys/men to come along all at the same time… they just did. Well, with KM, I don’t know if anything will progress yet since he does have a knack for canceling on me. Asian Dude… will probably be a lot of fun. Since I haven’t heard from BART Boy, I don’t think he’ll want to call back. Actually, I think that he interpreted my being honest as a way of letting him down and telling him that I wasn’t interested in him, not just anyone, but him. I hope he didn’t take it personally, but if he did, I’ll live.
Choices, choices, choices. Well, I’m not planning on making any yet until time passes and somebody makes a move somewhere. KM needs to actually step into the door and do something in order for me to make it exclusive. Until then… all is fair play.
Tags: Asian Dude, BART Boy, Davis Boy, KM
Posted at 12:15 am | Comments (2)