8th May, 2008
This Was More Than I Needed
Today just seemed to suck.
First, at work, there was a rush at about 11am and normally, my partner in crime, N, shows up at that time, but for the last few days, he’s been showing up at 12pm. He says it’s because Big F told him to show up an hour later. Anyway, so I get a little irritated because I don’t like to be frazzled and rushed, but I let it go because there’s no point in holding a grudge for something like that. Besides, they’re all good people.
Second, I try to study at the coffee shop, but I can’t. Either my eyes start getting sleepy or the guy at the end of the bench I’m sitting on moves so much that I feel it all the way down the other end, even though there’s someone between us.
Third, I figure that I’m a little tired, so I will try to take a nap before I go into the clothing store of hell to pick up my check. But I can’t. Then I decide that I will tell SB that he can do whatever he wants to do now.
Fourth-Five zillionth, SB finally calls back and we get into such a huge argument. Basically, in the last month, he’s been spending time with a bunch of other friends and people, right? I get that, I do. I was getting used to it, a little, anyway. Then about a little more than a week ago, we kind of patch things up. He came over and I ended up telling him that I was scared that at some point soon, he was going to just forget about me, because that’s how I had felt over the last few weeks. He tells me that he didn’t forget me; he just doesn’t like to call people when he’s with other people. So I figure, okay, so I get that he spends time with people, but getting a phone call just to say hi would have been nice.
You figure that you care about someone this much and you know that someone cares about you, wouldn’t you want them to know that you’re okay? I mean, he knows that this level of care I have for him is more than any normal level that I have for all my other friends. How do I know if he’s okay if he doesn’t let me know and doesn’t answer when I call?
I remember we used to just call to say good night. It would be a quick fifteen-second phone call, but it was a call nonetheless. Now… nothing. Not even a text message, an email, nothing.
I lost enough friends, do I have to lose one more because of this shit?
Fine, people get busy, but you have so many hours in a day, so many free just minutes in which you can spend just to say hi to someone, especially someone who you say that you care about so much and cares about you just about the same. That’s what happened to us and that’s how I had to let her go. She was getting too busy for me and that hurts… a lot. It makes you feel so much less important because everything else and everybody else comes first, even if they’re things that you feel shouldn’t come first. She stopped calling, stopped initiating conversation and would never have time for me.
He stopped calling, stopped initiating, and is not going to have time for me anymore. Why should I hold my breath for him to come back? Why drag this out even more just so I can get hurt all over again?
I know, this can make me sound a little jealous, obsessive, and clingy, and basically everything else bad. It’s as if I’m one of those girls, “YOU DON’T CALL ME ANYMORE!!” and can’t take it when new people come into his life.
Except, it’s not like that, not at all. I don’t care if he makes new friends, but just don’t leave the ones that you say you care about on the side to fit in when you have the time.
I’m not that kind of girl, I’m not that kind of person. I don’t want to be someone’s friend because it’s convenient, because there’s an opening for me to be a friend.
A friend will call you up just to see if you’re doing okay. A friend will call you as she’s getting ready for work just to say hi. A friend will drop by your work place when she’s in the area just to say hi.
A close friend, a really close one, just doesn’t leave the other hanging only to wonder what he’s doing.
Of course, that was only the first part of the evening.
I went into the clothing store right after my very heated, very loud conversation with SB and the manager, B, gives me more bullshit. Basically, I’m supposed to get five paychecks for my work from the first half of February to the first half of April. (There are five halves of a month). In the first two, they paid for all my breaks, minus a few missed minutes. In the ones that followed, they covered no breaks whatsoever. At first, I assumed that our breaks wouldn’t be covered, but when I found out that they were, I thought that it was standard, especially when they did it the second time around. Then on the third one, I’m told that they were not in fact, supposed to pay me for those breaks. They say that I actually owe them money for those paid breaks.
On the fourth check, they completely missed an entire day’s work (five hours), so I tell B about it. She writes down the day, etc. On the fifth one, the one I just picked up today, there are no corrections and again, they miss another five hour shift. B actually tells me that they did indeed already fixed my corrections before so with this paycheck, they didn’t have to correct anything. She showed me the “corrected” pay stub that she said I received, with the money. She tells me that I should check my account because I already received that money.
I honestly wanted to blow up in her face right then and there in the store, but I didn’t. How dare she tell me all this bullshit? I would have known that if I had indeed gotten paid and basically was trying to make it seem as if I was trying to claim shit that was already claimed. I never got any revised pay stubs, I never got any money, never got any checks, never got any mysterious deposits. Trust me, I’d know about it. I’ve been balancing my check book for the last few months now and I’ve been watching everything like a hawk. I would have known if I ended up with mysterious money.
I’m going to call the US Department of Labor tomorrow to clarify on their actions and to see if that is possible. Depending on what they tell me and depending on the amount, I may or may not file any legal claims. I know it will probably end up being a small amount, but damn it, it’s the principle that counts.
With a few minor perks, this has seriously been a really crappy few weeks. It’s as if I can have this really good thing, like my new job, and everything else just decides to fall apart.
Well, I suppose I have one bit of good news: I am going to go back to the university this Fall. After the talk I had with my doctor on Monday, I realized that I can’t wait for something to tell me to go back to school. I have to make that decision myself and honestly, there’s only one way to find out if I’m ready or not to go back to school right? I going to fill out my papers and send it out tomorrow.
I’m going to be a Bear again and it’s going to feel awesome.
Tags: clothing store from hell, friends, SB, school, work
Posted at 12:24 am | Comment (1)
24th April, 2008
This Is The Annoyed Post
Is it just me, or do many things right now just like to annoy me?
I’m still having issues with receiving money that I should be receiving. SB dropped off a check a little while ago, showing up with less than what he had told me. I’m sick of all this bullshit that I have to put up with. The stupid clothing store, SB, the fact that the damn CPA still hasn’t sent the papers, all that shit.
Actually, it’s not even an annoyance anymore. It’s just anger. I know that I can get angry easily, but this has been building up for a while.
I’m angry at the fact that the clothing store has told me so much bullshit that I just learned to expect them to fuck up everything they say.
I’m angry at SB for telling me months ago that I would get paid back in full, not half, but in full by the end of this month. In fact, I even told him to pay me back in full by the end of this month; I demanded it and I really think that I need to push myself to be more demanding. I gave him more than enough time, more than enough notice to get his shit together and he depended on this tax return to pay me, not counting in other factors, such as the fact that he could get fired.
I’m angry at my new place because no one’s given us any papers and technically we’re all working for free. Since SB shorthanded me, I think I’m going to have to ask the owner tomorrow for that advance he said he could give me if I needed it and well, I might be needing it.
I’m angry at the weather for being so damn cold.
I’m angry for that stupid jury duty summons.
I’m angry for having to pay $43 to see a stupid doctor that I don’t even remember seeing during my visit in the hospital. (The bill was originally about $900 until I told them to send that shit back to the damn insurance company. Months later, they finally got around to sending me a new bill in which the insurance company took care of a good portion of it, but still had me pay it. I don’t even remember the damn doctor’s name nor face and when I call the hospital, they don’t give me shit.)
I’m angry at my messy room.
I’m angry that I can’t get a stupid eight hours of sleep each night and I haven’t been able to take a nap to catch up at all.
I’m angry, I’m tired, I’m cranky.
It’s a mixture of a lot of things, really. I mentioned earlier about how I didn’t like not being able to talk to SB, but now I’m just too angry and upset to care. He gave me a call earlier and asked if he could come over. I was still upset from this morning, but said it was okay. He stayed for about five minutes so he could drop off the check and apologize for being an ass in the last few days. Then he got a phone call and left.
In my opinion, he never should have come over in the first place if he was just going to leave like that. He’s been doing God knows what over the last two weeks and I’m just too tired to care anymore about what the fuck he does. If he considers me so goddamn important, then he should show a little bit more effort or just care and concern than he has in the last two weeks.
I’m just… angry! I almost wish that someone were to try and attack for two reasons: 1) so I can use my skills that I learned in my self defense class to kick ass and 2) so I can let go of all this anger on someone that I could give two shits about.
Tags: clothing store from hell, SB
Posted at 10:18 pm | Comment (1)