7th February, 2008
This Is The Night Of Ash Wednesday
Well, the ash is off my forehead now. I did my reading and hopefully, the congregation thought it went alright. After that, I went to a restaurant to eat my one full meal of the day and man, was I full. Unfortunately, I ordered the ravioli unaware that there was meat inside it. Luckily, I was already so full from the clam chowder that I pretty much ended up putting most of the ravioli in a to-go box.
However, right now, that’s not what concerns me. Right now, I am on the verge of losing my job as an Online Developer at The Daily Californian. Why? Well, for the last few months ever since the Fall semester started, I’ve been lagging on my projects. I had two projects to take care of over the semester and one large project to take care of over the winter break. On all three times, I did not deliver. There was a project over the summer that I had to do and only a few weeks ago did I finally finish it. I know, as an employee, I should be fired. I know, I know, I know. I tried to explain to my bosses that during the fall semester, I was going through my whole depression stuff, but I can’t keep prolonging it now.
The thing that sucks is that I really need someone to talk to right now, but RN is sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb him. I don’t know who else to go to and it’s almost midnight. People need sleep. I have so many things to take care of and I can’t. I have to come into the office to meet with the big boss again and I’m afraid to. The main reason why I stayed away for so long was because I was completely intimidated. That and because I knew I had nothing to show for my work and that’s not good.
I don’t know what’s going on. The unfortunate thing is that right now, I don’t feel like doing anything at all. I have an extra credit paper I need to write by tomorrow and I’ve got so much reading to catch up on as well as the sociology assignments I need to catch up on. Earlier today, I was fine. Then maybe a few hours ago, I decided to send in my updates to the boss and big boss. Then I got the reply email from the big boss and she wants to see me. A project that I was supposed to deliver on is no longer my project. She says I have to work on the other projects now, but I’m so scared that I’m going to lose this job. It will be the first time I’ve been fired (not that I’ve had many jobs anyway) and I know that having a nice “fired” thing on my resume isn’t that great to talk about.
I’m freaking out and I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat because I’ve decided that for Lent, I’m going to 1) pray and light a tea light candle each day. I think I’ll actually create a nice little candle altar/thing like you see in the churches. 2) I’m going to not eat candy… not that I’ve been eating a whole lot lately anyway and 3) I’m going to fast. It’s similar to the actual fast that Catholics are supposed to do on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday: You must eat only one full non-meat meal that day, but you are allowed two small “meals” as long as they don’t add up to more than the full meal itself; drinks are allowed. The only modification I’m making is that meat will be allowed except on the Fridays in Lent, when I must abstain from meat altogether. Fish are okay.
Anyways, more freaking out is happening. I should write that short paper, but I can’t get myself to do it right now. I think I just need to step away from this laptop and try and do something productive.
Tags: Ash Wednesday, Lent, RN, school, work
Posted at 12:08 am | Comment (1)
6th February, 2008
This Is The Ash Wednesday
Yes, I am speaking later on today. I’m a little nervous, but I figure if I keep practicing, I’ll be okay.
Today is the first day of Lent and I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s supposed to be a time for me to feel more connected to God, but I can’t figure out what to do. Some people give up this and that, but what am I willing to give up? I don’t really do anything in particular excess that I’m completely ashamed about or that I figure will help me through these 40-odd days, so what do I do?
I know!
Each day, I will light a candle (I need to go buy an unscented one or something) and with that lighted candle, spend more time with God.
Well, I guess I figured it out after all. I owe it all to the nice pink rose-smelling candle on my desk. Now the inner pyromaniac in me gets to do something for 40 days straight.
Tags: Ash Wednesday, Lent
Posted at 12:29 pm | Comment (1)