Luckily, things improved from the day I no longer feel like mentioning or recalling. In a way, the week went by in a bit of a blur. I don’t remember much of Tuesday or Wednesday and I can recall most of yesterday and today.

Yesterday, I met up with one of the guys, DC, I had met on the online dating/networking/finding-new-people site. Okay, yes, it was an online dating site, I won’t lie or sugarcoat it. He seemed pretty alright. He was talk and buff, drove a relatively decent car, seemed clean and not so much like a deadbeat. So far, so good. I’ve been chatting with him online and our conversations have been enjoyable.

Oh, due to the crappy-day-I-shall-not-mention, I had forgotten to tell you that I had gone to my first 21+ club. Yes, I know, I’m two months and eight days away, but luckily, MK is awesome and let me use her expired ID card. Got in like it was just another day. It was pretty fun. I ended up getting a little drunk, but sobered up before we left. I went with JYL and her fraternity, which also included my good friend EA. We had a good time. I ended up being a little MIA though because I had gotten really tired at some point and didn’t want to spend the effort looking for them in my aching feet, so I sat down. As I was sitting, a dude, EC, I hadn’t met before from the group sat next to me and then started a conversation. He was kinda cute and we had an enjoyable time talking, so I gave him my number. He’s having a birthday party at his place tomorrow, but I don’t have anyone to go with me, so I’m not going to go. However, I did promise him a belated birthday lunch, so who knows.

I saw my doctor today and told him that it was going to be our second to last session. He suggested that I take the time off to just live and whatnot, but I can’t. I care too much about how my parents feel and their reactions that I can’t bear to put them through more stress than what they’ve already been through, you know? Sure, it would be ideal and probably the best thing in order for me to figure out why it is I can’t properly do my studies, but I can’t do that to my parents. I need to finish school if not for me but for them. I know, I was saying a few months ago that I was studying for them, but I have to stop all this bull shit and suck it up.

Now I’m at my parents for the weekend. We’re honoring the death of my mother’s parents so all of my relatives from her side are here. I’m afraid that they’ll still call me fat though, even though I’ve lost weight since they saw me last year. I saw a side profile picture of my and I hated the way my arms looked. Sure, when working out, they look buff, but when not… they look fat. It saddens me. I’m at an okay weight, but I still feel like I need to lose a few more pounds. I can’t go too far though because then I won’t be able to donate blood. (They have a 110lb minimum.)

Anyway, it’s late. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and some homework I want to get done. Yes, it’s a Friday night, but oh well.

On a side note: Oh crap, there’s a spider in this room. FUCK.

One more hour and the day is over. That’s it.

It started off fine. I went to class, then headed to my appointment with the research center. As I’m waiting for the appointment to finish, I check my emails on my phone and I get a lovely message from my host telling me that my account has been suspended. Why? Apparently one of my hostees had uploaded some proxy files which caused the server to extremely lag last night from all its CPU usage. I was stressing out but couldn’t go home to a computer because I had signed up to donate blood with the Red Cross.

Of course, with my luck, the Red Cross took forever to process the queue line and at that point, I wasn’t even sure if it was going to be worth the wait considering how often I get deferred, but to my surprise, my hemoglobin count was a good 12.9, just above the minimum to donate. So I donated, then dashed out to go back to my apartment to fix this whole domain issue. However, running right after donating is not exactly the best idea.

I reply to the support ticket and wait. As I’m waiting, I do probably one of the stupidest things I could ever do.

I MySpaced him (SB).

And I found out that Bitch #2 moved with him to Washington.

And then I was no longer a pretty sight to see.

I rushed over to my friend’s apartment because I couldn’t take it just sitting here alone in mine. Plus, I needed that hug.

I hate that I’m still affected, that I can still be hurt, that I can still look like I had looked today. I hate that it’s been almost a year and I still can’t get past anything. I hate that I was so stupid today and I hate that I was so upset because I shouldn’t be upset! He’s gone! He has no other ties in my life and I should be happy! I should be rejoicing! But instead, I allow myself to be affected by him, by every stupid thing that reminds me of him. I hate it. I hate me for being this way.

I hate that I’m more focused on my emotions and my feelings instead of my school work and why I can’t get shit done. I’d say that I hate how my sessions with my doctor have been focused on school work, but really, that is what should matter. I should be focusing on why I can’t get any work done, not why I can’t get over this stupid boy. But instead, my priorities get flipped around.

Then you’d think that my shitty day ended there, right? Well no. I signed up to be a tutor through a some program and in order to actually start, all tutors must have some sort of an interview. My appointment for today was at 6pm in San Francisco. I got there early to make sure I wouldn’t get lost and was already waiting outside the room by 5:30pm.

Nobody showed up. I waited until 6:20pm until I decided to leave because it was ridiculous. I wasted my time, my money, and my efforts for nothing. Standing me up like that was quite unprofessional and all I can say now is “Fuck them.” If they want me to work for them, then they had better come out here to Berkeley to meet with me because today was fucking ridiculous.

And yes, that last act pretty much sealed the day for me. I went home and napped because really, I had no more energy to do anything productive. Even now, I barely have the energy to type all this out, but I know that if I try to recall all this tomorrow, it will suck.

I just want everything bad from today to be left in today. It’s kind of like that “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” type of thing. What happened today, needs to stay in today.

In a way, anyway. JYL and I had plans to go shopping to find a cute bottom that would match my shirt. We went into H&M and browsed. I admit there wasn’t a good enough selection for what I was looking for. I went to the sale rack (of course) and picked up a pink dress that I thought was cute. To my surprise, it fit perfectly. The only downer is that it’s a little see-through, so when I wear it on Saturday night, I’ll have to make sure I’m wearing my butt-floss.

When we left the shopping center, there was a man on the bus. I didn’t take a good look at him, but he was sitting right next to me. He noticed that I had the Palm Centro and asked me how he could change the language on his phone because it was in Spanish. Just as I had finished pushing the buttons to reset the phone, it finally dawned on me that I was helping him with a stolen phone. I feel so horrible. I was so naive. I should have just lied and said that I didn’t know how to do it, or put it back to Spanish. I should have, but I didn’t. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

Tomorrow, I’m heading down to my parents for the day to get my tooth checked out. I didn’t hurt today, but just because it didn’t doesn’t mean it’s gone. Then I head back to Berkeley to go clubbing with JYL to my first 21+ club! Yes, I know that I’m not quite yet 21, but my roommate lent me her expired license, so hopefully, I don’t get caught!

Anyways, tired. I need to finish packing or at least figuring out what I need to take with me tomorrow.