28th July, 2008
This Was Pretty Shitty
One more hour and the day is over. That’s it.
It started off fine. I went to class, then headed to my appointment with the research center. As I’m waiting for the appointment to finish, I check my emails on my phone and I get a lovely message from my host telling me that my account has been suspended. Why? Apparently one of my hostees had uploaded some proxy files which caused the server to extremely lag last night from all its CPU usage. I was stressing out but couldn’t go home to a computer because I had signed up to donate blood with the Red Cross.
Of course, with my luck, the Red Cross took forever to process the queue line and at that point, I wasn’t even sure if it was going to be worth the wait considering how often I get deferred, but to my surprise, my hemoglobin count was a good 12.9, just above the minimum to donate. So I donated, then dashed out to go back to my apartment to fix this whole domain issue. However, running right after donating is not exactly the best idea.
I reply to the support ticket and wait. As I’m waiting, I do probably one of the stupidest things I could ever do.
I MySpaced him (SB).
And I found out that Bitch #2 moved with him to Washington.
And then I was no longer a pretty sight to see.
I rushed over to my friend’s apartment because I couldn’t take it just sitting here alone in mine. Plus, I needed that hug.
I hate that I’m still affected, that I can still be hurt, that I can still look like I had looked today. I hate that it’s been almost a year and I still can’t get past anything. I hate that I was so stupid today and I hate that I was so upset because I shouldn’t be upset! He’s gone! He has no other ties in my life and I should be happy! I should be rejoicing! But instead, I allow myself to be affected by him, by every stupid thing that reminds me of him. I hate it. I hate me for being this way.
I hate that I’m more focused on my emotions and my feelings instead of my school work and why I can’t get shit done. I’d say that I hate how my sessions with my doctor have been focused on school work, but really, that is what should matter. I should be focusing on why I can’t get any work done, not why I can’t get over this stupid boy. But instead, my priorities get flipped around.
Then you’d think that my shitty day ended there, right? Well no. I signed up to be a tutor through a some program and in order to actually start, all tutors must have some sort of an interview. My appointment for today was at 6pm in San Francisco. I got there early to make sure I wouldn’t get lost and was already waiting outside the room by 5:30pm.
Nobody showed up. I waited until 6:20pm until I decided to leave because it was ridiculous. I wasted my time, my money, and my efforts for nothing. Standing me up like that was quite unprofessional and all I can say now is “Fuck them.” If they want me to work for them, then they had better come out here to Berkeley to meet with me because today was fucking ridiculous.
And yes, that last act pretty much sealed the day for me. I went home and napped because really, I had no more energy to do anything productive. Even now, I barely have the energy to type all this out, but I know that if I try to recall all this tomorrow, it will suck.
I just want everything bad from today to be left in today. It’s kind of like that “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” type of thing. What happened today, needs to stay in today.
Tags: JL, Red Cross, San Francisco, SB, school, website, work
Posted at 11:21 pm |
On July 29, 2008 at 12:16 am Tara said:
July 29, 2008 at 12:16 am
*sends lots of hugs*
On July 29, 2008 at 5:08 am Julie said:
July 29, 2008 at 5:08 am
*HUGS* What an awful day. Yes, everything stays in yesterday and now you should have a better day cause I said so. I’m glad to see the hosting thing got worked out ok. Hope your hostee got it big trouble from you. I’m sorry you looked him up and found out some news that upset you. You’ve got to control yourself to not look him up, cause you know how much that will hurt you. Trust me, it took me years to get over the ex, so you’re not alone in this. Some people might move on quickly, others of us just sit in the same loop for a while. I know you’re trying to avoid serious relationship for now, but for me that’s what helped me move on. And oh man, that’s so unprofessional about the tutoring thing to not show up like that and not contact you. Call them and be like wtf I was there and you weren’t, so maybe I shouldn’t work for you.
On July 29, 2008 at 10:05 am Michael said:
July 29, 2008 at 10:05 am
I was wondering what happened…
I see you’ve got a major attachment issue, meaning you can’t let things go. And you gotta be loved by the person YOU want to be loved by. Am I wrong?