28th April, 2008
This Was Not Even Better
Today, unsurprisingly, did not fair any better than my weekend did.
First, I fell asleep a little late, so instead of getting about seven hours of sleep, I ended up with about six or so. Second, as I went to my doctor’s office, I was anticipating that he would prescribe me some more pills, but he didn’t. We instead talked about how it’s possible that my need to rebel has now become an unconscious need.
For example, I was given the task to try and read for about an hour over the weekend. Because I kept telling myself that I had to do it, that it was necessary that I do it (not because I wanted to), something inside of me may have decided to fuck with all that and rebel, which was by making me sleepy enough to take a nap. He thinks that maybe it happens with not only my schoolwork, but with anything that I have no true desire to do and that I have to truly make the effort to do.
In my last ten minutes of my session, I mentioned about how I was down this weekend and how it had to do with SB and of course, I start to cry. I was pushing the time so when I left, I was still in tears and had to sit in order to compose myself before walking home.
Then I took a nap after I got home, but it wasn’t exactly the most fulfilling nap either. I also had to make a phone call to customer service in order to cancel my bank account since I have no need for two anymore and that took forever and a day. First, I could remember what the hell my security pin for the phone was and I had such a hard time trying to get to the operator. Seriously people, just have the “0″ button be designated for the damn operator because some people do not want to jump through hoops just to talk to someone.
Speaking of peeves, I’ve decided that when people are in a line to checkout or buy something, they need to either hang up or put the damn phone down. I’ve decided that it’s quite rude to keep yakking and yakking on the phone while someone is trying to help you and speak to you, i.e. the cashier, and it’s hard for that person to make a nice transaction like that. Common courtesy people, common courtesy.
It’s just been an emotional day for me. First, there was the crying at my session, then as I was rehearsing for our Praise night on Sunday, when we’re supposed to sing songs to praise God, I start to cry or get watery. Possibly due to the spiritual connection and possibly due to my relating that to SB. I don’t know for sure, but it made me more emotional than I would have liked.
I want this day to be over, I want tomorrow to start off nice and clean, and I just want to not feel sad right now.
Tags: doctor, Praise Night, work
Posted at 10:47 pm |
On April 30, 2008 at 7:58 pm Julie said:
April 30, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I wish I could give you a giant huggle to help cheer you up. I’m sorry things have been so complicated and emotional for you. I hope you can kick that rebellious thing.