15th June, 2008
This Is When Damien Rice Sings
In the midst of organizing all of my music again, I decided to listen to Damien Rice’s 9 album, to see if I wanted to keep it. Fortunately, I do. I really like this album. I remember listening to O a long time ago and decided it wasn’t my thing, but I may be inclined to download it and give it another try.
Of course, his music is so… well, I wouldn’t necessarily call it mellow, but it’s not exactly upbeat. I had originally downloaded the album when I wanted his “9 Crimes” song, which I felt that at the time, depicted how I felt. Now there’s a lot on this album that I just feel like listening to.
All of this doesn’t help me get over anything though.
In the last few days, I’ve been thinking about MH. He sent me an invitation to view his private Blogspot blog and… I was a bit surprised to get said invitation. I don’t know where we stand; he sent me a message a few days ago, but at least on my side, I felt a bit awkward. I didn’t know what to say, except asking stupid questions like, “How’s the internship?” (which didn’t start yet) and other stupid questions. What I really wanted to ask was “How are you?” but I know that it caused a bit of trouble last time, so I didn’t.
I almost wish that he would read this so he could understand how much I’m just torn over this. I don’t know what to say anymore. I’ve apologized, but that doesn’t make everything better, that doesn’t regain the trust that I had lost. I’m lost; I’m so lost.
He was a friend, he may still be my friend; I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t tell him the stupid stuff that happens anymore, like having someone call me “pretty in pink” because I was wearing a lot of pink on Friday. I can’t tell him about my desires to find me a nice Irish boy so I can party. I can’t tell him about Asian Dude, about BART Boy, about KM, about anybody.
I suppose that what I did learn from this whole ordeal that sometimes, even when you think that you’re trying to be selfless, you’re still being selfish. In order to be selfless, there needs to be a true meaning to not wanting anything and I think it’s possible. For me, it might be a little more difficult to achieve, but I know it’s possible.
I need to write in my journal more… except I’ve been feeling so much more open here that I’ve found less a need to write.
Tags: Damien Rice, MH
Posted at 12:51 pm | Comment (1)