27th May, 2008
This Was A Useless Countdown
That counting down to midnight thing on Saturday didn’t really help. What happened on Sunday?
CC and I had made plans to hang out on Sunday. I was expecting him to call either in the late morning or early afternoon, except he didn’t. He ended up calling me at 7 in the morning to tell me that he was downstairs. So I let him in and I went back to sleep and I suppose he either went to sleep or tried to sleep.
Yes, it was the two of us on my teeny tiny twin bed.
However, I didn’t think too much of it. I just figured that it was friendly so, I didn’t care. That and because I wasn’t going to sleep on the floor. Well, at some point before he finally got up, I had the feeling, which was confirmed, that he may have been thinking/wanting me more than a friend. Although I had seen it coming, I was still thrown off by it and probably acted weird for the rest of the day. We went to go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall and then he took me home.
I really don’t need more men to deal with. Seriously.
Yesterday, I met up with BART Boy for our third date. We went to a theater/restaurant that was showing Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay. It was a funny movie and about halfway through, I rested on him. It was nice. We walked back to the direction of the BART station and then decided to get some dessert. When he dropped me off, we had yet another awkward goodbye thing and then I left.
He’s nice, he’s sweet, and he doesn’t want me to pay for things. (What every girl wants, no?) Except for the fact that I’m just not really feeling it. I don’t want to date casually if I don’t see anything more than just friendly dates. I know, I should be taking it slow, I should be thinking about it slowly, but if he’s paying for everything, I don’t want to be remembered as the girl who he wasted money on, you know?
There’s that and then there’s the shallow reason: between him and Asian Dude, Asian Dude looks a lot better on paper. Asian Dude is younger, sure, but he’s at a four-year university, he’s studying molecular toxicology, and so on. So on paper, he looks better. If we all remember correctly, SB was not so good looking on paper and that was a big no-no from the parents and practically, that should be a no-no to me too.
I know, I should believe in that whole true love thing, but I need to set standards, you know? I can’t be with someone who may take about twenty years to get somewhere in life because that means I’ve got to work my ass off and I believe that in any relationship, there should be a balance in effort. I’m not saying that both need to make the same amount of money, but if the wife makes a lot of money for something that she enjoys doing and doesn’t find it extremely strenuous while the husband is also doing something he loves, then that’s okay. But if the wife is a trophy wife and the husband has to work his ass off to make ends meet, then that’s not cool at all.
I don’t even know what I’m doing really. Did I mention that I’m still hoping for KM too? I mean, I’m not putting in effort or anything, but if he ever decides to get up off his ass, then yeah. I’d be here.
It’s all too messy.
Today was a nice day. I was supposed to work, but the big boss is getting pissy with me, so he decided to call me twenty minutes before my shift and say that I shouldn’t come in today; he’s got three people working. Of course, he didn’t because the wife ended up calling me later asking me when I was supposed to come in. Apparently, nobody knew that he had decided that I wasn’t coming in, not even my coworker.
So with my day off, I decided to do a little bit of shopping and to also get my hair cut. At first, I wanted a trim, but then decided to do something different and got layered bob instead, kind of like Posh Spice. It’s cute, it’s nice. Overall it’s a good cut, but I think that the stylist could have done a little bit better. However, it was my fault because it was an impromptu decision so of course, all the good places were booked. Darn.
What’s next on my list? Well, my PE class started this morning. Since my loan came in, I picked up the check today and put it in a separate checking account at a separate bank so I know not to touch it at all. I put anything extra that I haven’t set aside for bills in my main account so I know exactly how much I can spend and whatnot. I finally bought the books I need for my two summer courses and fortunately for me, Southwest decided to lower the tickets to Las Vegas, so I was able to book a round-trip flight for about $152 (including taxes and fees). That’s a pretty good deal!
I’m really excited for Vegas. I’m going to NN and it’s going to be awesome. Apparently there will be some other people joining us, but I’ll be okay. It’ll be my first time in Vegas and my first time on a plane since 2005! What better place to go to than to Vegas, right? I just hope it’s not one of those cities that’s hyped up too much so when I go, it’s not as I expected and then I end up having an okay time.
I got a little bit of work done this weekend at least. I finally, after a ridiculously long time, updated my fanlisting script to Enthusiast. I had been using PHPFanBase and I was too scared and too lazy to switch. Except I knew that I had to change it; if I sent out an email to my hosted asking them to remove any insecure scripts, then I had to do the same, right? It took a little bit to get the hang of, but I figured out how to keep my layout and structure and just stick in the templates for Enthusiast. All is good and now I have to go tell my hosted to seriously remove the crap.
Tags: Asian Dude, BART Boy, CC, dating, KM, NN, SB, school, website
Posted at 9:13 pm | Comments (2)
25th May, 2008
This Is Finally Midnight
I’ve never been so happy to see midnight like I am now. Okay, there may have been a few times, but this is recently. And no, I don’t really get excited about the new year because whatever I was dealing with in the “old” year still carries over. I guess with that logic, I can say the same for why I was so happy for midnight tonight; I just wanted to start the new week fresh, new, and happy.
SB came by earlier this evening and dropped off the money, in full. I was surprised with that one to tell you the truth. I also made it clear to him that there was pretty much no chance we could ever go back to the way things were. He, after a year and a half, has not changed. I, according to him, haven’t changed either, but for that, I beg to differ. Anyway, it was a cold meeting. I know, I was cold, but at this point, I’m done. I’m done crying over him, I’m done dealing with his bullshit, I’m done with just… everything.
I noticed that with any of my relationships that ended badly, it was or would have been extremely hard to have things go back to a nice and very friendly level. In the cases in which I felt upset, I pretty much said, “No. That’s it.” What’s happening now with SB and I is very similar to what happened to VN and me. I said I was done trying to deal with her and trying to regain what could have been left and since then, haven’t looked back. The same has and/or will happen soon with SB. I told him tonight that I honestly believe that there is no realistic chance that he and I could ever be the same.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that I still don’t love him. It’s one of those things that will probably be with me for a long time. I can only hope that my feelings doesn’t screw up the next one, but I won’t know for sure.
Anyways, that tired feeling is coming again. I will have to continue this tomorrow/later today.
Tags: SB
Posted at 12:17 am | Comment (1)