5th May, 2008
This Is Just The Beginning
It is Monday and I am tired. I haven’t caught up on too much sleep lately, not since Thursday anyway, and so I’m tired and will try to take only a two hour nap soon.
But I thought I’d write an update.
First date with Asian Dude went nicely, in my opinion anyway. I’m just hoping that my revealing to him that I carry a knife around doesn’t scare him away. In my defense, I have to. My town’s not known to have the best reputation for safe neighborhoods, despite all the help we have access to. Besides, I still honestly think that although using a knife is risky, it’s so much cooler than carrying around pepper spray. But yes, back to the date. We talked, we ate, we walked me home, we hugged. It was nice. Really nice. At some point, I had completely forgotten that we were going out to eat and had ordered food. I remembered once the food came and thought, “Oh shit. That’s right. We’re here to eat.”
But it’s still early. No hopes yet, right? No hopes means that I can’t get disappointed and dig myself deeper into this nice little hollow hole that probably won’t be closing any time soon.
Afterwards, it was Praise Night at church. I had been going to the rehearsals for the last few weeks and last night, we finally got to sing for the group. Praise Night is a night of singing, usually praise songs, with peers and others from the congregation. It’s not in the chapel/altar area, but still in the church hall. It was amazing. We had a few goofups, but it wasn’t a big deal. It was really lighthearted and fun. By the end of the first half, my voice was already going out, but I sung it out anyway. It really lifted my spirits up and it was a really good bonding experience that I had with the others. I definitely want to participate in the next one and might even think about going to one of the weekly student activities, like Bible study.
Then it turned into Monday. I went to work for a few hours, saw my doctor, then went to Walgreens to try and get a few things that I was running low on. It took a little longer than expected because I was trying to get all the savings that I could and it wasn’t working right. I was also looking for one of Pantene’s shampoos, but they didn’t carry it and nor did the other Walgreens down the street. I didn’t check the one right next to my store, but I doubt they carry it since it’s the smallest store of the three.
So my doctor finally helped me realize something: I really can’t make any decisions myself. I have this tendency to have somebody else choose for me. For example, they asked me last week if I wanted to stay an extra hour at work for the last hour. One part of me wanted to stay to earn the extra little money and to also show them that I am a hard worker, but the other part of me wanted to go home since I had to get up early in the morning. I was ready to flip a coin, but they suggested that I go home and so home I went. I remember when I was buying the hair straightener in the mall and I was indecisive, so I had the coin choose.
It’s not that I’m indecisive; I just don’t want to know what I want, or I really don’t know what I want. I have to stop doing that. I have to really make my decisions because it’s mine. If someone suggests a place to eat, then I shouldn’t just say “Wherever is fine” if I have a place in mind.
This is big. I feel as if I should post this on the main blog, but I don’t want to come out with anything new (except for all the paid posts) until I’ve gotten a layout and I can’t get a layout until after the final since I have to study. I need to study. I should study.
The doctor prescribed me some more pills so hopefully, I’ll get some stuff done.
And I know I don’t say it enough, but thank you Julie for reading all these posts. I know that some of them have been quite long and it’s nice to know that someone’s here. I think Tara’s reading too, but it’s hard to tell since she’s one of those silent readers… AKA a lurker. I love you guys lots, okay?
Tags: Asian Dude, church, dating, doctor, Praise Night
Posted at 6:39 pm | Comments (2)