28th April, 2008
This Was Not Even Better
Today, unsurprisingly, did not fair any better than my weekend did.
First, I fell asleep a little late, so instead of getting about seven hours of sleep, I ended up with about six or so. Second, as I went to my doctor’s office, I was anticipating that he would prescribe me some more pills, but he didn’t. We instead talked about how it’s possible that my need to rebel has now become an unconscious need.
For example, I was given the task to try and read for about an hour over the weekend. Because I kept telling myself that I had to do it, that it was necessary that I do it (not because I wanted to), something inside of me may have decided to fuck with all that and rebel, which was by making me sleepy enough to take a nap. He thinks that maybe it happens with not only my schoolwork, but with anything that I have no true desire to do and that I have to truly make the effort to do.
In my last ten minutes of my session, I mentioned about how I was down this weekend and how it had to do with SB and of course, I start to cry. I was pushing the time so when I left, I was still in tears and had to sit in order to compose myself before walking home.
Then I took a nap after I got home, but it wasn’t exactly the most fulfilling nap either. I also had to make a phone call to customer service in order to cancel my bank account since I have no need for two anymore and that took forever and a day. First, I could remember what the hell my security pin for the phone was and I had such a hard time trying to get to the operator. Seriously people, just have the “0″ button be designated for the damn operator because some people do not want to jump through hoops just to talk to someone.
Speaking of peeves, I’ve decided that when people are in a line to checkout or buy something, they need to either hang up or put the damn phone down. I’ve decided that it’s quite rude to keep yakking and yakking on the phone while someone is trying to help you and speak to you, i.e. the cashier, and it’s hard for that person to make a nice transaction like that. Common courtesy people, common courtesy.
It’s just been an emotional day for me. First, there was the crying at my session, then as I was rehearsing for our Praise night on Sunday, when we’re supposed to sing songs to praise God, I start to cry or get watery. Possibly due to the spiritual connection and possibly due to my relating that to SB. I don’t know for sure, but it made me more emotional than I would have liked.
I want this day to be over, I want tomorrow to start off nice and clean, and I just want to not feel sad right now.
Tags: doctor, Praise Night, work
Posted at 10:47 pm | Comment (1)
28th April, 2008
This Was The Unproductive Weekend
I didn’t get much done except sleep a lot for the first time in a long time. I didn’t have to work on Sunday, so I slept in and it was great.
I didn’t get a lot done however. I told my newspaper bosses that I’d get something done by the weekend, but I never even touched the files to begin with. I wanted to read some more out of my textbook, but that didn’t work either. The only thing I was able to do was tidy up my room.
Now, I know that by now, there aren’t too many fans of SB. I called him up after my class on Saturday in order to have him sign a contract with a payment plan. I was still upset and hurt, so I put on my best face for that. I know that I could have just left him after he signed the papers and then that would have been that. We’d be unfriendly, distant, and just mere acquaintances if I had done that.
But I didn’t. Eventually by the end of that brief encounter, we patched some things up, made our apologies and then set a time to meet up the next day.
He came over, but I was sleepy, so while I napped, he caught up on his wrestling episodes that I had downloaded for him when he didn’t have his laptop. When I woke, he was still watching and I thought that I would try to tidy up my room a bit. Before he left, I ended up getting really emotional. I realized that I had to get used to not being his number one anymore, in terms of being his girlfriend and in terms of being his friend. I know that he’s been busy for the last few weeks, but that still hurt me that he wasn’t there for me in any way. Lastly, I have to admit that I’m jealous. Both of his new friends and of any time he spends with another girl, whether or not something is going on. In fact, the latter is the one that makes me most upset because I fear that if he does find someone, then that just means he’ll spend less time with me.
I know, I can be awful selfish sometimes, but there are times when I just don’t want to share and I suppose this is one of those.
Tags: SB, work
Posted at 7:12 am | Comment (1)