21st April, 2008
This Is The Long Recap
Oh man, so a week as gone by already! I’m surprised! Well, here’s what I can sum up a little bit.
SB and I talked a bit (when he was finally free to talk - still bitter about that) and we kind of sorted things out? See, I’m a person who can stay angry for a long time and the longer I hold it in, the more it usually builds up. When I let it go, no matter what the problem is, I usually feel a lot better afterward. Now, I’m not saying that the “issue” has been really resolved; but at least he knows. I don’t think he’s really doing too much now anyway. I was able to see him on Friday night, but only for a little while. Then he went off again to spend time with other friends.
Why am I still bitter? Well, okay, I get that people spend time with other people and friends, but for me, I was used to at least saying something to him once a day, even if it was to tell him “Good night.” When he’s with people (and even for me too, I suppose), he doesn’t like to talk on the phone, send text messages, or interact with other people unless it’s really important. I can understand that it can be seen as a little rude, like having a long conversation with a friend you can always talk to later when you’re in the company of another friend. However, if you know that you’re going to be spending the whole day, or even the whole weekend, with someone/people, it would be nice just to let the other person know, like me, that you’re alive and that you’re just hanging out with other people. Sure, it might suck not to get to talk to him, but I was not only hurt because he left me when I needed him, but for almost a week, when he was with other people, he didn’t think, not once, to give me a call just to say hi and tell me that he’s just with people. Not once, did he do that. He argues that it’s because he feels rude, but for me, I wouldn’t see it as rude at all. It’s not as if he’s going to talk to me for a long time; just a small call would be nice.
Anyway, still bitter. I guess, I’m not surprised that he hasn’t called all weekend, but it doesn’t mean that I was expecting one, especially after our conversation.
I get attached to people quite easily sometimes and once I’m in a routine, I hate having to break it. And when it’s in a routine with one other person, then I start to feel neglected, unwanted, unloved, and all the other bullshit that comes along with it. It’s not a good habit nor attachment to have, but that’s what happens to me. I don’t like it when people leave me and it’s usually harder for me to leave them than for them to leave me. Well, in my opinion anyway. I’m sure that there are friends out there that may have felt that I left them, but I don’t know it because they’ve never told me.
Anyway, to get along with my recap of the week… Work is great. Sure, I’ve worked everyday since it first opened on the 12th, but I don’t necessarily mind. Not yet anyway. I’ve been getting up around 6:45 each morning just to get to work by 8 and I like it like that. I like having that routine and I feel as if when I’m done with work, I have the rest of the day to myself to take care of things. I also really love working there. They’re such a great family to work with and it’s such a positive environment.
I’ve noticed that when I work in a good environment, I emit a lot more positive energy around me. When it’s in a stressful or negative environment, I emit much more negative or less positive energy. With the clothing store, after the second check bounced, I stopped caring as much about how well I was doing my job. I slacked off, gossiped a whole lot, etc. But here, at the market, I’m happy, I’m awake, I’m just much more energetic and a lot more friendly than I was at the clothing store. I had the wife, M, tell me the other day that everyone she talks to always has nice things to say about me. For that, I owe a good chunk of that praise to the family and the environment they’ve created. They’re really good people and I couldn’t have asked for a better minimum wage job than this one.
Plus, they feed me really well too.
Speaking of feeding and the fact that I save money on food… yes, I am broke. I have about $215 in credit card bills to pay off by the end of the month. I have a $500 rent check to make. I will also have to write another $240 check to FL for all my visits for the month. And do you know how much money I have to my name? About $150. Yes. That’s it. SB is supposed to pay me back soon (hopefully really soon) when his federal return comes it, but last I talked to him last week, it hasn’t arrived yet. To me, that sounds a little fishy because my federal was deposited about a week after my state and he’s already received his state. I don’t know if the federal takes more time when it’s submitted closer to the tax deadline, but still, I wasn’t expecting it to take this long damn it. I need the money!
I know I’ve said that the market is a legit place to work at, but they’ve yet to collect my financial information in order to do the payroll. I understand that it’s only their second week in opening, but I would like to get this as soon as I can. The clothing store needs to give me (hopefully) my last check by tomorrow and with everything fixed on it. I have a feeling that it won’t be fixed and that I’ll have to come back again in order to pick up another check. The newspaper also needs to pay me as well for my work on the online layout and I was expecting to get paid last week, but when I talked to the general manager, she said that she needed to go over it with the editor-in-chief to make sure that we had the budget, etc for it all. So hopefully, by the end of the month, I’ll get paid for that.
But even that’s not enough to take care of my bills this month. What will take care of it all is SB’s return. If he doesn’t get it in by next week, I’m just going to have to tell him that there is no excuse in not being able to give it to me. I know that he’s out of a job and he needs to pay rent as well, but I’ve given him more than enough time to pay me back for all of that.
I could always ask the market for an advance, but I don’t want to impose or seem to high maintenance, you know? I just started working there and now I need an advance? It doesn’t make me look too good, in my opinion anyway.
No, I don’t want to ask my father for money either. He gave me money a month ago to take care of rent and bills. There’s also the fact that he may or may not have a job in two months, so I don’t want to impose right now. I’d feel pretty awful if I asked and I know that they know I would feel awful so when the time is right, they would throw it back in my face somehow when we’re all in a heated discussion.
I hate money sometimes. It’s so troublesome and it causes so many problems. Yet it’s so essential to our consumerist lives, is it not? I mean, why do you earn money? So you can buy more crap, pretty much. Or so you can pay off the bills for the crap you’ve already bought. Yes, that includes food as well because the more money you make, the more food you feel you can buy, thus, cluttering your house with more crap than you need. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not knocking consumerism or anything; hell, I love shopping. But I’m just merely pointing out that we stick ourselves in this continuous cycle that we like to call “life.”
I should really try to update more so I don’t have to pull everything out all in this one long post, but oh well.
The last time, I talked about the pills I took that gave me such an… experience. I took it once more, but didn’t feel the same effects as I had felt the first time. Once I reported back to my doctor, he prescribed the long-acting version of that same pill. That way, it lasts the whole day instead of just a few hours. I must say that I have noticed myself being able to read more. I started taking the pill on Saturday. The only times I’ve read my textbook so far is at work when it’s slow, but he says to try and read when I’ve got a good chunk of time just to myself and won’t be distracted by people. Maybe I’ll do that later today, or maybe I won’t. Since I’ve been getting up early each day for the last 11 days, I haven’t had the chance to catch up on sleep yet, so I may nap soon. I’m not sure yet.
Well, this has been a rather long post and update. I didn’t mean for it to take this long, but it did. I’ll try to post again tomorrow afternoon, but we’ll see how that goes.
Tags: clothing store from hell, doctor, SB, work
Posted at 4:06 pm | Comments (2)