So the guy from my friend’s 21 bash last week? Not interested. And it’s all good with me. I’m not ready for something completely serious right now anyway, right?

Since then, I’ve… done not too much. I walked down the street and applied for a few places. Although I dislike the idea that I have to pick up a retail job because I know that I’m worth so much more than that, I also know that I have bills to pay.

My roommate (SS), her friend, and I went to a stoplight party yesterday. At a stoplight party, each person is supposed to sport one of the three colors: red, yellow, green. Red means that you are taken, yellow stands for “It’s complicated,” and green says “you are good to go!” Well, considering my status, I definitely had to sport the green. All three of us took shots and man, I am such a lightweight. I took just that one shot and then sipped on a mixed drink for the rest of the night, but a few minutes after the shot, I was already a little out of it. But I guess the alcohol helped my social ability to get past my shyness since I was able to approach a cute boy and make conversation with him. I’m surprised that I was able to find someone so quickly! I’ll admit that at first, I was afraid to approach since he was wearing red, but it turned out that he didn’t know it was a stoplight party, so it was all good. Anyway, nothing particularly decided yet between that. It is what it is for now and I’m not going to think too much into it just yet.

Something interesting did happen though. My dad called me yesterday and said that he had deposited money into my account. He pretty much gave me enough to take care of a month of rent. That act totally took me by surprise because I thought that he wanted me to come back home and giving me money would delay my homecoming, wouldn’t it? I know it was an act of love, but I feel as if I’m getting so many different signals from this all, you know? Well, I still need to think about it some more, but I thought I’d share that.

I donated blood today. Hurray! I barely made it too. My hemoglobin count was 12.6 and the minimum to donate is 12.5.

Well, here’s the story. So there were two stations today in one room: The Red Cross and UCSF (University of California San Francisco). I signed in and had asked to get tested first before I go through all the hoops and the person sent me to UCSF. They tested my right ring finger and the machine spat out a number of 14.4! I thought that was extremely abnormal considering when I test with the American Red Cross, it’s never, never, never that high.

They had me fill out some paperwork for UCSF and I decided that I wasn’t going to stay with them and asked to get sent over the American Red Cross instead since I already have a history with them. I want to keep all of my donation records in one place so I don’t have to worry about things.

Even though UCSF had tested me, the ARC had to test me too. They took my right middle finger and put that in the machine and it spat out the 12.6. Of course, that seemed like a more normal number for me, so I was just happy that it was good enough to donate.

Anyway, since I weigh about five pounds over their minimum weight and I donated about a pint of blood (probably more), I’m tired. I’m usually not tired, but today I am. I’d nap except I have to wait for the UPS man to return with my package and he’ll be here in about forty minutes. It might be good for a cat nap though.

Hmm. Kitties… I like the kitties…

So what has happened? Quite a bit. My friend turned 21, had the fabulous 21 bash, which helped me meet someone. He has my number; he walked me home and I used his phone to call mine, so I have his too. I just don’t know when to call because he’s part of a co-ed fraternity and well, has school whereas, I don’t. I don’t know when it’s appropriate to call; I was thinking that if he doesn’t call by Friday, then I might because I remember he mentioned that he only had one class on Friday.

Anyway, besides that, I learned some interesting things from my doctor on Monday. I told him what had happened over the weekend and he finally gave me some feedback. He thinks what happened is this: When I lived with my parents and even afterwards, I latched onto their values and morals. They didn’t always fit with me, which was a reason why I did so many things I knew they wouldn’t have approved of. Now since I’ve pretty much distanced myself even further from them and this time, more officially, I’ve also let go some of their morals that I once thought were my own.

I think that a part of me knew that I never really had my own set of concrete morals and values, so the last few weeks have just been a very good wakeup call for that. I just have to start slowly; pick one thing and work on it. In time, I’ll create my own system and it will be one I don’t have to feel guilty about. There are some gray areas that I’m not ready to make black and white just yet, but there are some that I think I can work on.

It’s going to be quite a process, but it’s one that I’m going to have to take in order to feel better about myself.

One thing I learned this week: instant mashed potatoes are delicious.

And thank you to all those who are concerned for me, who care about me, who worry about me, and aren’t biting my head off for having done the things I did and for well, going through this. I appreciate it and I love knowing that I can turn to you without being afraid that you’ll completely flip out on me, making me feel worse about myself.