6th December, 2007
This Was The Blow Up
So my friend, MP, just ended up reading this particular blog and went back far enough to read about the hospital incident. Now, as grateful as I am to know I have readers, I hadn’t exactly told her about said incident. I know that she cares for me and that she’s just looking out for me, along with the others who have spoken to me, I just can’t do what she’s asking of me. She thinks it would be best if I go home to my parents, but I can’t. I can remember all too well the last time I was at home and it was definitely not one of the most pleasant places to me.
Other than that, my day went okay I suppose. I woke up, tried to fix my cute hair, and get ready for work. It rained today and for some reason, I wasn’t too happy about the rain. Usually I enjoy it, I yearn to be outside with the rain pouring down me, but not today.
And now I feel like shit again. Okay, as I was typing this, I was still talking to MP. I know that I upset her and I didn’t mean for that to happen, but I just feel like she’s trying to back me into a corner I already know I don’t like. I understand that she’s upset because she thinks what I’m doing may not be the best choice, but she shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t have to feel bad about my choices that I make for myself, the choices that I’m doing that I believe to be as right as they can be. Even if she doesn’t support me, she doesn’t need to make me feel like shit for upsetting her like this.
It’s like the other day, I was spending time with JL and he was on the phone with his girlfriend. He was supposed to be spending time with me, but she called and started up this whole drama thing. He had put her on speaker phone and I could hear the conversation. The way she acted towards him make me want to cry. I felt that this was not a person that he should be with, but I also knew that I couldn’t get angry at him. It was his decision to make. He knew what he was getting himself into and he knew better than I could because he was more intimate with her than I was with her.
My point is that although I don’t necessarily approve of his decision to be with her, I wasn’t upset with him. I admit, at first I was a little, but as the conversation went on, I realized that perhaps he saw something in her that I couldn’t see at the moment. Maybe he knew that she was different than what I was witnessing at the moment.
Anyway, my first load of laundry is almost done and I need to finish writing these Christmas cards for the office tomorrow.
Posted at 11:27 pm | Comments (4)
6th December, 2007
This Was The Queen Walk
Okay, I admit it. I walked by his store today. Twice. I know, I probably shouldn’t have, but with the new haircut, a good outfit, I had to. I had to do the “I’m queen of the world” walk. The “look what you’re missing” walk. The “Yes, that’s right. I cut my hair off” walk. I mean, sure, I’m still kind of down and all, a little more frustrated, irritated, angry, than sad, but I didn’t want him to know that.
Then again, if I were happy, then he’d win. But trust me, I’m not being sad because I want to win this contest of whatever. I don’t even think it’s a contest, but you get the point.
I met up with his roommate today, outside the apartment of course. I dropped off her Christmas gift early. I had gotten it for her this weekend and I wanted to get it early so for almost the entire month of December, he would see a shiny box that was from me… but not to him. The box would represent the “Look what Maria did for MC. She’s just so nice and caring. What does this girl do?” I know, it’s a bit far fetched of a thought, but hey, you never know.
I’m just still very irritated and frustrated with him. I mean, come on, seriously? Her? That girl? The girl that drinks? The girl that drinks and drives? The girl that blew up at him because he didn’t notice her? Seriously? MC says she’s not that great and all I can think of when she tells me that is this: “How stupid can you be? (You referring to SB) I mean, if MC and her attendee can see how much more I have to offer as person as opposed this new girl you’re interested, then how stupid and blind must you be?”
But, I guess we’re all allowed to be stupid and blind at one point. Hell, I’ve done with the last two, right?
Anger now consumes me. The sadness has been shelved. It will come back, I’m sure of it. But for today, it’s anger.
Posted at 1:46 am | Comments (2)