25th November, 2007
This Was Unexpected
I didn’t think I’d have such a quiet night, but I guess that’s who he is.
Edit @ 3:45am: It is done now. There is no turning back from here. I just have to try and keep my head high, my spirits relatively higher than normal (which is saying much considering how ‘high’ they’ve been), and my focus on something other than him and his life.
This is for the best. I just hope time will tell me so and not let me feel as if I did the most horrible thing ever to both him and me.
Sometimes, I wish that I didn’t choose to deal with this and that I had chosen an easier way out, like drugs and alcohol. Sometimes, I get that urge to just drink until I can’t feel, forgetting the fact that I hate drinking anyway and I hate what it does to my head and actions. Sometimes, I get that urge to find someone who knows where I can get weed or stop into a liquor store and pick up some smokes, despite knowing that I hate the smell of cigarettes and hate doing drugs in general. Sometimes, I wish I had chosen the easiest way out, which is to die. Sometimes, I wish that I could go back in time, back into my mother’s womb, and knowingly kill myself so I wouldn’t have to exist and cause so much pain and suffering.
I hope I sleep soon.
Posted at 2:08 am | Comments Off