5th November, 2007
This Was Utterly Crazy
I am crazy. I worried so much about one person that I actually couldn’t study. I had to get up, grab my things, and walk over to his place. The stupid thing is that I wasn’t worried about his health. I was worried about his company.
I’m so stupid. I mean, what person in his right mind would do this? Would walk almost a mile just to expect to get hurt by seeing the things I never really wanted to see. A part of me wanted to see that so I could hate him because when you hate someone, it’s so much easier to get over that person, you know?
But I can’t hate him. I can’t. I can get upset, I can get angry, but at the end of the day, I can’t hate him because I start to hate myself. Never him, always me. That’s great, isn’t it?
I met with FL today and he suggested that I choose one person to see and I agree; it’s just that right now, I really need to see which method works best. With FH, I go in, say something and she asks some questions and from there, she helps me to understand, she helps me to heal in a sense. With FL, I get the impression that he’s focusing more on my thoughts. What he wants me to do is to be able to talk without inhibitions, without limits, without consciously being selective. That way, I’ll lead into something intuitive or something that ties it all together. It’s more a path of self-discovery and from discovering things about me, I can learn how to heal myself, I can learn how to fix my own problems. Both methods work, I just don’t know which is best suited for me. I’m going to ride it out for a few more sessions, but no farther than by the end of this year.
Oh yeah. I completely bombed that midterm. I am so screwed.
Posted at 10:04 pm | Comments (2)