29th October, 2007
This Was Supposed To Be Secret
Damn confirmation letters. Today, my poor (I’ll explain why I use that adjective in a bit) father received a letter today. It was confirmation letter to confirm that behavioral health benefits were authorized under my name. Now, imagine you are a parent and you find out one day that your child, out of nowhere pretty much, is getting psych help. That’s why I say ‘poor’ because I know that it was not easy for him to read that letter and find out that his daughter is not doing well. It would throw off any caring and loving parent. I had a nice conversation with him (and I don’t really mean ‘nice’) as I tried to explain to him why I needed help and that the reason I needed help was not because of a boy, but much more than that.
I know he cares and he is very concerned; I can’t blame him. But I need to be able to speak with my parent as if they were a peer and at the same time, as a parent. According to NL, a friend I met with last night/this morning, he says that if I want my parents to trust me, to have faith in me, to allow me to do what I need to do, I need to be able to talk with them, to explain how I feel and what needs to be done. I have been very awful in communicating with just about everybody, so I need to start learning how to do this. I can’t hide things anymore and I can’t dream that they’ll just magically go away.
It’s going to be a hard process, yes, but I need to prove myself that I’m truly worth something, to truly believe that all the things people say about me (in the positive tone) are true. But it will take time.
Oh and I’ve decided to swear off relationships for a long time, but that’s another story, kind of.
Posted at 11:00 pm | Comments (4)