21st January, 2007
When Today Was Time Consuming
I hate what you have done to me,
To make me think of things to be.
I hate it when you have to go.
I hate it when I miss you so.
I hate that you have reeled me in,
So much that I can’t stand to win
This fight between the hook and I;
I’ve given up, no point to try.
I hate the way you make me smile
To know that you are just a mile
Away and that I’ll be with you;
I hate that I have fallen too.
I hate you for the things you do,
Especially when you think I’m cute,
But most of all I hate you for
Making me fall for you even more.
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Is it better to know that I’m afraid? Because being afraid could mean that there’s something good I don’t want to lose or that I’ve gotten so deep I’m afraid I’ll get hurt or that you’ve fallen so deep I could hurt you too. Perhaps it’s scarier to know that it’s all three of those possibilities.’
If you promise not to run once the steel door opens, I’ll promise too. If you promise to be gentle with the stitching of my heart, I’ll promise to take good care of yours too. If you promise to always find me when I hide, I’ll promise that I’ll never let you out of my sight too.
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Warning: I might be random in this post.
Is it possible to think that a 40-year-old man could have a crush on me or am I just flattering myself too much? Then again, I am a nice person and perhaps for once in his life, someone actually took the time to listen to what he had to say, even if he had to take his time doing so.
I want black bed sheets.
Lately I’ve been getting into a whole black thing. I don’t know why exactly, but black is so sleek and it’s always in style. It’s a shame I can’t paint my room black because if I could, I would. I’d get black everything: bed (the sheets anyway), blanket, dresser, lamp, etc. I think that would be completely awesome. I would still keep some non-black clothing though, just so I don’t seem too plain or too restricted to one color. Perhaps I would have shades of pink here and there, but if I could design my own room, it would be black.
For now anyway.
How is it that emotions can affect your physical feelings? Why is it that when I think of that particular someone, I have a feeling right where the heart is? Why is it that when I think of that particular person and how lucky I am to have him give me the time of day, I feel light? It doesn’t make too much sense to me as to how these amorous feelings can affect how I am physically. Well, whatever the reason, I’m happy for it.
I am tired. The sad thing is I haven’t done anything school related all day. I woke up, shopped for black linens, then started packing. I had a lot to move around and pack so that took a while. I was also trying to figure out why the desktop computer was being such a prick, but eventually I gave up. I got off the BART around 5:30 or so (I actually don’t remember) and was waiting for the bus when I decided to stop by Walgreens and pick up my photos. However, when I got there, I had to wait for my photos since there were technical difficulties. I figured that I had already brought all of my luggage over to Walgreens, so I might as well stay.
I probably didn’t get home until 6 and since then, I’ve been unpacking and shopping for another book shelf. We have a rather large bookcase, but my roommate has taken five of the six shelves. I would ask her to clear off a shelf for me, but I would feel rude considering the case is hers and all, so I’ve been looking around Craigslist for some and Target too. Target has a three tier movable shelf, but I’m not sure if I want to pay for it to be shipped here.
Now I’m going to get dinner. I actually made rice for the first time in my apartment, so I’m going to cook up some meat to eat with it and call it dinner. After that… I gotta crack open the books or else I’m going to get one stupid useless medium-sized stuff animal.
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