SB finished paying everything back today. As of now, there is nothing left that ties me to him except for my feelings. Not really feelings for him, but feelings of everything that’s happened.

A part of me wants to try and be friends, but I know that at this point, as I stand, I cannot do that. I have to move on and maybe, just maybe, when the time is right and enough time has passed, we may be able to be friendly to one another again, but the time is not now.

I was thinking about what I had just posted and Marie suggested that I should try to find strength in myself. I had to admit, it’s been very hard to do so in the last couple of months. I keep telling myself that the time is coming, but everywhere I turn, there he is. Stockton street in San Francisco. Watching The Dark Knight, despite knowing how huge of a Batman fan he is. For now, at least, he’s everywhere. Hell, I can barely get DL out of my head and when I remember, I remember all the bad things that happened.

But for now, I need to stay away from him. I need to focus on me, focus on my school, my blessings, everything else, but him.

So, really, I never thought I could be that girl, but I guess I can. Sure, I’m not exactly like “that girl” but I’m getting close. Kind of.

Wednesday and Thursday were filled with a midterm. Finished those, grabbed some sleep as much as I could considering that I stayed up all night (or almost) before the midterms. They were relatively easy to take, but you know, had to squeeze in the studying part.

Thursday night, JYL, XG, XG’s boyfriend, and I went to the club. We tried a new one this time, but really, we should have just stayed in or hit up the local club. The selection of men was bad, the music was bad. The men, although they were dressed better, were either short or ugly. Well, the short part wouldn’t have bothered me too much, but I found it a little amusing. The music done by the DJ was horrible. Old top 40 songs were played, the mixing into other songs was bad, and a bunch of slow-beat, hard-to-dance-to songs were played as well. It was so bad that we decided to leave early at 12:45, even though we had arrived at 11.

Next time, I’m going to find me a friend’s ID and hit up a 21+ to meet better guys. Seriously.

Friday, I slept in for most of it. I cleaned up my room since SS’s family is here and I wanted to make a good impression. Speaking of impressions, SS was so scared of her mother’s reaction to the apartment that she decided to clean up everything. Yes, I said that right: She cleaned. I came home from the club to see her scrubbing the bathroom. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I swear to you! It was pretty amusing to see her finally lift a finger to clean up around the apartment for once. Seriously.

Friday night, JYL came over for our chick night. We had Batman Begins and vodka. Man, Christian Bale cleans up real nice. We didn’t get to finish the movie though because we decided to talk to some people via AIM. But we were drunk. I’m surprised we were able to type so well. Oh man… a lot of things were said. And really, I would have said them sober, but I would have been way to shy to actually say them. By the end of the night, we had flirted, walked, had some fun, and then JYL went back home while I passed out on my bed. At one point, my friend AL called, except I have no recollection of it and I just hope I didn’t say anything bad.

Today calls for some errand running and some reading. I bought groceries yesterday so today, I’m going to try and make some breadless chicken. Basically, I have boneless chicken breasts and I cover it with bread crumbs. Hopefully, it will be tasty. Hopefully.

I’m really amped up on my medication right now. I didn’t get much sleep, about 45 minutes maybe, and before I took a nap, I took my medicine at about 4am, so I’m really hyped up.

I like taking a look at my stats to see who’s coming here. Sometimes, I can’t figure out who it’s from, but sometimes I can. There was one I got last night that makes me a little curious, but it’s all good. I don’t mind if people read as long as they don’t blow up at me about it, you know? Besides, this is public and the main one is connected to my Facebook account, so I wouldn’t be surprised if people ventured here.

Anyway, I’ve got a midterm in about three hours and I also have a two-page essay to write before then. I have another midterm tomorrow and some homework to finish for that class too. Then I’m going to get my first Henna tattoo of a dragon and then to the club! I really love hanging out with JYL. She’s the kind of person that I’ve been looking for since I’ve been here, you know? She likes to go out, we have similar tastes when it comes to bedroom antics, and we’re comfortable around each other. I love that and I love her for being her.

Oh yeah, I signed up for Twitter. Bad, I know. It’s like Facebook status but more hyper.

Things are still a little gloomy with me, but at the moment, I’m not really feeling it. Speaking of new things, I finally hit 300 EC drops today. I’ve never done that before in my life and a good chunk of today’s traffic is from an ad placement, so I’m pretty happy. I have to use this account now to return the drops because I am a firm believer in the “U Drop, I Follow” movement. Tomorrow, I will hopefully be able to return all the drops again. However, last I checked, I was getting about 222 drops today. Crazy! Usually, I hit around 150 or so, but today is quite a bit. I should do something for my advertiser.

I should go. I said this was going to be a quick one and maybe it was considering how fast I type, but still. I need to go write that essay. I’ll see you later maybe.

P.S. Don’t do drugs. Unless you know what’s going to happen to you, that you can control it, and that you’re not going to do anything harmful or completely stupid while on it.